Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Good Bye!

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At the first time you just came to my life, I can predict that you're the same as other men.The first time you say hello, I always thought that you just stranger – really stranger. You say hello because  we accidentally bumped into in the middle of the road. You smiled at me, and I smiled to you too. You glanced at me and I glanced to you too. It’s because we do not accidentally come face to face. We talk about ourself in several times but not too much. We just talked like strangers. Well, I can say that our affair was so simple which is experienced by all strangers (people who don’t know each other) in this world, isn’t it?

Can you feel it too? We just passenger. We meet in halte bus that on that place, we just ask each other about the bus we are taking or asking about time. At that time, I think we would go in different path. You will traveling to the south. And I will exploring the north. But, after all we met in place that we didn’t know. I always ask to myself, and  sometimes to God too, why we have to have this encounter? Why we have to met in strange ways? Is it because we are stranger to each other? This is my big question of my life. In my twenty-one years, this is the time, I trapped in confused moment. How come this happen?

When you just started to ask about myself, I always try to controlled everything. I dont want you to know about me. What about me are just mine. All of them. I promised to myself to stored it neatly, keep them secretly. When people try to know me, I blocked them. It forbidden to people to come in my  life circle’s. I avoid them because I dont want to got them to my problem.

But, you just came at the right time. You say hello when I felt alone. You know, you just try to contact me when I got nothing except myself. You tried to enter my life when I opened the door widely. You know, boy, you just say hello when I sitting around in a park near my house with deep loneliness. You try to walking beside me when I walked alone. If you want to know, I fall in love deeply with solitude. I mean, when people looking for hustle, I can found peace from solitude. And you just came when I started to hate it – hate the solitude after I loved it.

You provide something that other people have never given me. You gave me attention and something completely different. At that moment, I was thinking, maybe you are the right person. Because, at that time, I feel you are different from other men. So, boy, you know? You almost got my heart – whole of it. Whole of it which is never given to another person.

But didn’t I already say that we are two strangers who didn’t know each other? But, although I do not really know you, you shall be the same as any other man. Yes, you are. Sometimes, it made me dissapointed. But, I have to realized that we are stranger, right? So, it was right if you cant be my expectation. All I thought about you just an illusion. It never-ever would be happen. So, I have to realized with my self-awareness that you’d never exceed my expectations.

In my whole of life, people always called me weird. I have different thought. You know, nobody want to listen to me. They always looked at me with one eye, one perspectif, one side. They never try touch whole of my life – the wholeness. In fact, my family. They seemed not to believe what was on my mind. They think I'm weird. And because I'm weird, they will not listen to me. Or at least, trying to convince me that what I thought was something fine. But, they didn’t do that.

You know? I thought you will be the (only) one people (man) who will always listen everything about my thougth. I always hope that you came to my life to understand. I always felt that everyone didn’t want to understand because when I started to talk about my thought, thet suddenly left me. Yes, because I’m weird. Because my thought was different. I always thought you’ll be different. Or at least, did something which is enchanted me. I always thought you will understand. I thought you will listening to me.

But, you didn’t. You know, boy? I thought you can accept me with all of my weirdness. I thougt you can look the different of me. But, you didn’t. Yes, stranger, you just same with another men. Like others, you left behind me.

After that words, you disappear.  Is my words scare you? Is my mind so terrible? To the extent that you do not even say hello to me again - even to simply say hi or smiled. You disappear, after all the words that come out of my mouth.

I realized, you're no different than any other man. And I knew, all the men are same.

Hi, you are a stranger, you say hello when we met without saying "goodbye" when you leave.

So, I’m here to say:
Hello Stranger, I want to say two words for you...

Good Bye!

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You know  Stranger? You left without saying nothing. So, before you hurting me again, I would like to say good bye without “see you”. Ah, this is freedom. Come to me, solitude. Let me love you again. Again. Again. And again.

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